Money, Mormons, and Meyer

Who doesn’t want to be rich? Well unless you’re one of those ascetics who lives in the mountains of Nepal, I’d say everybody.

Teens love the idea of being rich and famous like the idols they worship. Magazines, posters, fanclubs, and merchandise make up 90% of their messy rooms. And that’s perfectly normal. In teen lit, rich kids are often used as “the cool group” everybody wants in on, an oft-used cliche that’s not going out of fashion any time soon. In Melissa De la Cruz’ vampire series Blue Bloods, the rich kids in a prestigious (and fictional) NYC school depict the real ultra-elite NYC society. She name drops a ton, but it’s tactfully used and funny.

In Twatlight the Cullen family have more money than the IMF it seems. They have stockpiles of cash, collect (and total) luxury cars, discard designer label clothes after one wearing, have Centurion cards, and destroy 60″-inch flat screen TVs during insane temper tantrums without a care. Typical teen fantasy, you scoff. After all Bella is Meyer’s avatar, and this is just a bunch of masturbatory fanfiction, right? Well, you’d be right. In You Are Bella shmeiliarockie goes into depth on this in her 2-part Wish Fulfillment: Money, Money, Money segment.

But that’s not all.

Mormonism is a cult that (unfortunately) is considered mainstream Christianity. If you’re Catholic (or former in my case) you might think Mormons are Protestant. That isn’t true. The founder, Joseph Smith pushed his new religion as the “one true church” based upon personal visions and revelations. If you’ve gone to a high school that uses sociology in their English and history classes you might have come across JS and his unique 19th Century American monotheistic belief system, and might be shocked to discover that he was a con artist. JS’ first job was treasure hunting, he used seer stones to locate buried treasure. After his arrests and prosecutions, he used those same seer stones to translate the infamous Golden Plates that were revealed to him by the fictitious angel Moroni. There is a plethora of books debunking the church by cult experts and ex-Mormons. The most reliable on the web is and Sandra Tanner’s site.

If you’ve been to SMeyer’s site or LJ, you know she has the mentality of a 13-year-old. But as I’ve been becoming acquainted with Mormonism through the sites mentioned above, it’s very clear that every Mormon is like this. Mormon culture is unique and dangerous, they view themselves as peculiar people with superiority complexes who are continually persecuted by the outside world- Satan’s playground. They believe that they exist on the fringes because they hold they keys to “spiritual truth” and exist on a higher plane than the rest of society. According to their beliefs they become gods of their own planets when they die, but men get many wives to be pleasured by and populate their planets, thus sending spirit babies back to earth. Sound fucking nuts? Well don’t say that in Utah, parts of Idaho and Arizona.

Cults (Jehovah’s Witnesses and $cientology are also prime examples) are driven by profit. Tithing, real estate, and church operated businesses generate a lot of revenue. The official profit margin by the LDS is secret- much like their temple ceremonies that have been exposed thanks to the internet (JS was a Freemason and their ceremonies influenced the LDS). But there was something that really bothered me about LDS, how little they gave to charity (JW’s are also like this. They don’t give to charity at all, their “charity” is through their church doctrines- convenient, eh?). Ex-Mormons have included mission experiences in their apostate stories, and three of them have stayed with me; the first one was from a young man sent to Argentina. His stake president who was stationed there instructed him NOT to visit the poorest slums because they couldn’t afford the tithing, and because they had no local charity organizations to help them. The second story was from another guy who was sent to Mongolia (I believe). He was amazed by the street children he’d seen. His SP instructed him not to speak to them, give them shelter or food or money. Some time after the dupe saw a child dead in a doorway having frozen and starved to death. The last one was from a woman who got her entire family out. She volunteered at a shelter (not affiliated with the LDS), now the shelter had experiences with LDS volunteers and they weren’t exactly positive. But with this lady they lucked out, her family was very nice and the only thing that her children weren’t allowed to do was serve coffee (because according to the LDS caffeine is sexually stimulating and that’s a no-no). Once again they were shocked by the homeless and they actually started to deprogram because of it. The shelter was impressed with this family because unlike the other LDS they weren’t snobbish or rude.

The LDS consider you less than worthy if you don’t have money? Hmmm…

In every society the ideal person is wealthy, attractive, educated, powerful, has a big family, professional, and charitable. It also helps to be a white male under the age of 55. The LDS takes hypocrisy to a whole new level. Don’t believe me, go here. But I will copy-n’-paste what I’m talking about to help illustrate:

Mormon Royalty

Our family has moved a fair amount as a result of job promotions involving relocations to other cities. One of the things that we have noticed is that each ward and stake has it’s own royalty as well as a middle class and of course the “less fortunate fringe”. When you move into a strange ward, you are quickly classified into one of the groups and there is little chance of ever being elevated to another group although downgrading is possible. Any outward indication or confession of a personal or family problem justifies immediate downgrading. To achieve royalty status, one needs to have at least several of the following traits in their favor:

1. Personal Wealth (tithing numbered in minimum 5 digits preferred)
2. Pedigree (Descendants of polygamous ancestors)
3. University Education (BYU grads score top points here)
4. Professional status (Doctors, dentists, lawyers, or Church Education System… CES types can be forgiven their lack of wealth)
5. Utah like grooming and accent
6. Large gregarious family
7. Evidence of embarrassing fully Mormon culture… language, tardiness, music, dress standards, FHE
8. Relatives or at least friends in high places
9. An LDS Track record: Mission, temple marriage, etc.
10.Absolutely no hint of being a real person with real problems
11.the ability to sound incredibly sincere and to bring tears to your eyes almost at will

The Mormon Middle class may have some of the traits of Mormon Royalty, but are marred with such horrible defects as:

1. Witnessed drinking cola in public
2. Rooted for the University of Utah over BYU
3. Once received Church welfare or worse still public welfare
4. Stayed home to watch the Superbowl instead of attending Church meeting
5. Wife works outside the home
6. Kids don’t attend seminary
7. Too many non member friends
8. Failure in a church calling
9. Unglamorous employment (factory worker, tradesman, sales clerk, etc.)
10.Convert of less than 10 years
11.Loud laughter

Then of course we have the fringe element, the poor bastards that everyone else can look down on thank God that they are so much better than the they are. The following are some qualifying traits:

1. Low economic status regardless of reason
2. Lack of formal education
3. Too much formal education coupled with independent thinking thus qualifying as a hated intellectual
3. Facial hair, unconventional hair cut, or the dreaded tattoo
4. A foreign accent
5. any hint of homosexuality
6. Mormon Fundamentalist views or sympathies
7. Read the SL Tribune instead of Deseret News
8. Non traditional modes of dress, men with ear rings or women with piercing in nose, eyelid, etc.
9. Buy lottery tickets
10.Question authority or ask embarrassing questions in a church class

It’s interesting that as you move around that you can be perceived and categorized differently but there is almost no chance of any elevation if you stay in one place.

Royalty usually serve as Stake Presidents, Relief Society Presidents, Bishops, etc. The Middle Class are the ward clerks and Primary teachers, while the fringe are entrusted with such Holy responsibilities as Ushering. Occasionally a sincere Church leaders experiments with calling persons to positions above their class level and usually discover that they do just fine. However, the royalty types are generally very uncomfortable with the practice so it is seldom resorted to by those in authority.

A former Bishop from Canada

See what I mean?

According to ex-Mormons who attended BYU (like SMeyer) upper-class students often made fun of their less well dressed classmates. I don’t know what SMeyer’s dad did for a living, but I do know that Connecticut (where she was born) is the most expensive state on the East coast to live in. Taxes are killers because of the number of rich people who live there. Now the bitch is one of six, and a good Molly Mormon doesn’t work and must have a lot of kids. SMeyer worked as a receptionist and has three sprogs- that’s a lot in today’s world. But it must’ve driven her crazy that she couldn’t be a kept wife like all the ones making fun of her in temple.

Well now she is a kept woman- who now is the breadwinner for her ENTIRE fucked-up family. I think that Fantasia could relate.


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