This will be the final installment of the Smeyer hack tricks, and no, I WILL NOT be doing Midnight Runs or The Waste (I’ll just give myself a migraine). I will also include the quick n’ dirty manuscript formatting, something that Smeyer clearly can’t do either. Oh yeah, I know my fellow antis will call BD Breaking Fail– and I’m not ragging on you (because that’s cool too)- but after I finished reading the shit I couldn’t help but feel that my brain started to literally crack in some way. And if you think that this Joseph Smith dick sucker can’t get any worse… see for yourself.
1)perfect – 67x/ 2)beautiful – 56x/ 3)murmured – 92x/ 4)hissed – 45x/ 5)hiss – 6x/ 6)breathtaking – 1x/ 7)gorgeous – 4x/ 8 )murmur – 8x/ 9)flawless – 7x/ 10)whisper – 25x/ 11)amazing – 11x/ 12)stun – 1x/ 13)whispered – 160x/ 14)whispering – 2x
15)whispers – 6x/ 16)stunned – 11x/ 17)stunning – 3x/ 18)golden – 13x/ 19)gold – 19x/ 20)grace – 1x/ 21)graceful – 14x/ 22)gracefully – 3x/ 23)props – 1x/ 24)prop – 2x/ 25)chuckle – 8x/ 26)chuckled – 33x/ 27)murmurs – 5x
28)wonderful – 9x/ 29)amazingly – 1x/ 30)laugh – 27x/ 31)laughed – 86x/ 32)beautifully – 1x/ 33)perfection – 6x/ 34)chuckles – 2x/ 35)chagrin – 2x/ 36)chagrined – 1x/ 37)perfectly – 39x/ 38)snarl – 14x/ 39)snarled – 29x/ 30)snarling – 5x/ 31)smirk – 4x/ 32)smirking – 2x/ 33)smirked – 2x
Whew! Done! That’s the whole enchilada! The vomit icing on the shit cake, as James Rolfe would say. Oh yeah I made another observation as to why Bella-Smeyer treats her parents like crap. Now every teen hates authority figures, and would like to tell their parents to go and suck it. Smeyer was no different- and those who come from religious backgrounds are really trapped in a double-bind. Smeyer probably hated her isolation and being different like a normal kid would be (after all who wants to do firesides, go to crazy temple meetings, wear long underwear that supposedly protects you from the sky falling, and do scrapbooking when you just want a date?). On the other hand the Mormon family unit is more important than the individual. You are nothing without your family. You want to be perfect, don’t you? You want to be a goddess, don’t you? Then obey.
And so in Twifuck Smeyer gets to have the best of both worlds. By making Renee and Charlie non-Mormon and not religious, they are imperfect from pre-existence. They are also divorced which makes them undesirable and bad parents (according to Mormons). So what do bad parents sometimes do? Overcompensate. Bella-Smeyer is spoiled, she isn’t “mature beyond her years”, she is sarcastic. Anyone who was a latchkey kid knows how to take care of themselves- including getting the bills paid because more than likely their parents have made out the checks and told them to go mail them or go to the check cashing place and pay directly and can get their own passport because they were instructed to BY THEIR PARENTS.
According to the Mormons, giving children too much responsibility will make them too independent. And why isn’t Mom at home? A woman’s place is in the home. Renee does what she wants and is a hippie. She’s married to a fun-loving minor league baseball player. In other words, she’s a whore and he’s a lazy bastard. Charlie is chief of police and is a man of authority. This is good. However he stomps his feet, gets red in the face, and blows “stupid things” out of proportion. Just like a lowly blue-collar civil servant would. Unlike Carlisle (and Edward) who is doctor- also a man with power- he’s stoic, calm, handsome, educated, and forever smiling, telling people what to do and no one dares question him. Charlie is forever being questioned by Bella-Smeyer. While both men save lives and commands respect, Carlisle makes a fuckload of money. Therefore he trumps Charlie. FLDS boys are taught outright that schooling isn’t necessary, the family business will provide, and making lots of money determines your manhood. Mainstream LDS is more subversive.
And now how to structure your manuscript. My first bit of advice is to try to find a professor who is connected to the publishing industry is some way- they will give you the best advice. The second is to go to the library and take out all of the UP TO DATE books on editing, publishing, and writing. And now the format:
Standard Manuscript Format
Before submitting your stories make sure they are in the standard manuscript format. This is described in many, many “How to Write” books — and I strongly recommend that you read at least one such book. Pared down to the bare essentials, the rules are as follows…
- Your manuscript should look as though you typed it. Neither handwritten manuscripts nor ones that use a dozen amazingly nifty fonts are likely to be well received. If you are using a word processor try to select a non-proportional font (one where every character has the same width).
- Do not justify the text. By this I mean don’t select the option from your word processor that makes every line of text end exactly at the right margin. Remember, you want your manuscript to look as though you typed it, even if you are printing it on the world’s most expensive laserwriter.
- Use high quality 8 1/2 x 11 inch white paper.
- Only print on one side of the paper.
- Do not staple the pages together.
- Use wide margins — at least an inch all around the text.
- Double space the text.
- Show new paragraphs by indenting the first line of the new paragraph by five spaces. Thus:
· This is the end of one paragraph. · · And this is the start of the next paragraph. Note · · that the text is double-spaced, and non-justified.
- The top of the first page: Put your name, address, and telephone number at the top left of the first page. Put the word count to the nearest 100 words at the top right of the first page. Something like this:
· Jane Smith 3200 words · 123 Home Lane · Writers' Ville PA 15206
- The rest of the first page: The story’s title and your name should appear a little less than halfway down the first page. Then leave a couple of blank lines, and start the story. The title and your name should be centered:
· GREAT STORY · · by · · Jane Smith
- Put the page number, your surname, and a keyword or two from the title on the top right of every page after the first one. Something like this:
· Smith/Great Story/20
- To show a scene break, leave a blank line, then have a line with a single asterix centered in the middle, then have another blank line. Thus:
· With a whimper, Bob died. · · * · · It was a dark and stormy night, very dark, very
- Do not use italics. To show text that should be italicized in the final published version of the story, underline that section of text.
- At the end of your story, leave a couple of blank lines, then write “THE END” or “###” centered on a line.
- And that’s all there is to it.