Wrinkles at 29! Hooray!

Well I’m proud to say it: I’ve got wrinkles at 29 (looks on as millions of twenty-somethings run to make Botox appointments)!

Well actually I started noticing my neck wrinkles shortly before my 29th birthday. So what did I do? Well I went straight to the ‘net and looked up my family’s secret weapon: Pond’s.

Now I’d been using Pond’s Clarant b3 (when they were only available in the ghetto beauty supply stores) as part of my skin whitening regimen, and now it was time to see what they offered by way of anti-wrinkle creams. Well to my surprise, Unilever grew brains and decided to import several successful products from their exclusive South American line up north to booming sales: Clarant b3, Rejuveness, Crema S, and Crema C.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am to the greedy, self-serving conglomerate (I mean Dove Real Beauty Campaign– how bullshit can you get?)! First off, Pond’s really doesn’t clog pores and that’s a major plus for my acne-prone skin. The only time really I break out is when I eat chocolate (and it’s not that often). I use the Crema S at night because of two reasons: 1) if you live in NYC the harsh winter will do shit to your skin (I can’t imagine what it’s like for Chicagoan chicks). 2) skin whitening can dry your skin out, so it’s imperative that you use a moisturizer after you wash with a whitening soap- I use Artra medicated or Palmer’s Skin Success medicated (why medicated? Keeps acne away- triclosan and triclocarbon are practically the same thing). In the morning after I wash up I use Ultimate Organics Moisturizing Body Gloss before I apply the Clarant, and then at night I use the Crema S. Don’t expect the Crema S to absorb completely though.

Then for my soon-to-be turkey neck I use L’Oreal Revitalift for Face and Neck in the morning and at night I use the Rejuveness. Go to Amazon and get the 2-for-1 deals on the L’Oreal- I got mine for under $20. Now here’s the rub with the Rejuveness, in the ghetto beauty supply stores you can find the HUGE 14 oz. tub for around $13. I have no idea why they won’t import that, it’s really economical for these times. As for the Crema C, it’s a very good cleanser. My late great-aunt was faithful to the Pond’s cleansers and cold creams to the end, and she had good skin for a near 94-year-old woman. I sparingly use the Crema C since my soaps take off my makeup well, and I had been forced to switch from Max Factor (GODDAMN YOU PROCTER & GAMBLE! I HOPE YOUR STOCK DROPS 10,000!) to Physicians Formula.

Now I will be honest with you, I only use lipstick, lip liner, and concealer/foundation- but I was so fucking happy with Pan Stik! Unfortunately P&C had released a few MF bombs, took a major hit in the crash of ’08, and MANY celebs began signing on for TV ads (considering their movies are shit) for their substandard Maybelline and Cover Girl Lines. So P&C had to cut something, right? I recently switched to PF (Maybelline’s concealer really has gone to shit- mine fucking broke after a few applications!) and so far, I’m cool with it. I use Gentle Cover Concealer- Light and with this brand I’m sort of forced to use a finishing powder to get a more “realistic” look. After doing major research I settled on Mineral Wear Talc-Free Mineral Correcting Powder- Translucent. And now that I’m approaching 30 I have to switch it up (on occasion) with CoverToxTen50 Wrinkle Therapy Face Powder- Translucent Light or Fair. Mind you, you’ll never get that “air-brushed look” like every fucking makeup advertises, and all concealer/foundation settles in, so get that through your heads. And for $14 bucks per powder (round about) that is a rip-off considering the Wet n’ Wild-esque packaging!

Another trick I’ve discovered goes with my jewelry fetish: wear eye-popping necklaces. If you choose neckwear that you can rock with a pair of jeans or a cocktail gown, you not only get a conversation piece you also distract people from your wrinkles! If you’re fat, you need to wear bigger jewelery because your flab will bury your rinky-dink teardrop diamond (real or CZ- doesn’t matter). Novica’s Sukartini and Busarin are my favorites!

So if you ask me if I’m okay with getting older, the answer is, yes. As long as I get the respect (and money) age comes with!


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