Public child bans: put up or shut the fuck up breeders because this is YOUR fault!

It stared with an article on bratfree about McDain’s, a restaurant and golf course that caters to the adult professional crowd who finally put their foot down on kids who ruined other patrons dinners that wouldn’t quit misbehaving. Now no child under six is allowed a seat. I applaud owner Mike Vuick (and sent him a supportive email), how many times have I had the urge to slap the living shit out of brats when they won’t shut their mouths, quit braying, won’t eat their meal, or mouth off to the adults in a restaurant? Countless. And so have you. But you spineless morons and jealous hypersensitive breeders will post on your Fuckboook pages, Twat, and MOO on your message boards how we must be muscled (with pignancy lard) into submission because we are the evil childfree. Beautiful, rich jet setters that live a superficial, uber-materialistic lifestyle Smeyer couldn’t conjure up while blessing the dead.

Well bitches prepare to eat crow, because the kid-free zoning has caught on like the whooping cough you refuse to get your kid vaxed for!

A Texas movie theater chain has designated “baby days” for kids under six, Whole Foods in Missouri is offering childfree shopping hours, and a Florida condo is trying to ban kids from playing outside because it has no real courtyard or play area for them- just an active parking lot where cars can get wrecked and kids could get run over.

Floridian entitle cow: “I don’t have to. My child can do what she wants.” (Translation: “I’m fat, exhausted, and need to watch my stories! Let the brats do what they want, as long as it’s away from my flatscreen!”)

Pennsylvania cunt Stephanie Kelley: “All children do not have meltdowns, and I don’t feel I should have to suffer the repercussions.” (Translation: “My husband works all damn day and doesn’t care about me or the kids! I deserve a night out after being cooped up all day with these little idiots. Besides, we could just afford McDain’s and even if we could get a sitter I want the good looking businessmen to tell me what a beautiful mother I am!”)

Why does everything in this country have to be family friendly?! There’s a plague of Fuck E. Sneezes, Crapplebees, and McShit playlands that could take up every inch of land in the state of California! Breeders don’t have that much by way of disposable income! They’re only putting it on plastic and forgetting about it until the bill comes (ie. debt)! This should be covered in all business schools and economics classes as a new model for American (small) businesses.

P.S. It wouldn’t hurt if you dropped an email to the places mentioned above for a show of solidarity, I know I did!

A childfree man vs. breeder-brain man: an illogic omelet in the making.

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FPS Russia, I have one thing to say to you…

FPS Russia, I have one thing to say to you…

Spaseeba! (Translation: Thank you)

Oh, and for this too:

And now for your listening enjoyment, from the Nochnoi Dozor soundtrack TT-34’s Jack and Biopsihoz’s Zlost.

Strange shit I have (and I know I’m not the only one)

I’ve just cleaned the last bit of junk from my new and improved room (but I won’t be able to enjoy it what with our heatless house unable to stand up against the bitter New York winter), organized shit, bagged the stuff I’m donating to BPL’s Great American Book Drive, and took stock of all my crap. And boy do I like weird shit! And I know I’m not the only one.

1) Andrei Rublev

2) The Color of Pomegranates

3) The ’79 Captain America TV movies

4) Alice in Wonderland (1966 BBC production)

5) Celtopunk

6) mysteries solved by Elizabeth II

7) I have 7 shades of red nail polish

8 ) I have 21 shades of red lipstick (plus back-ups)

9) Russian Ark

10) Super Sentai music

11) I have all the North American Sailor Moon soundtracks

12) I have the Japanese mini-disc single of Weiss Kreuz 1st season opening theme

13) The soundtrack for the stinker Passion of Mind

14) I discovered I nearly perfectly painted the nails of my Princess Jasmine figurine

15) Kickboxing Academy

See what could happen if you let your space turn into a junk pile? Oh the hidden wonders of weirdness…

Happiness Bunny says don't be a hoarder, or he'll invade your living room and eat your flan while idly rubbing his crotch.

Twilight The Musical!

I’m being sarcastic antis, so don’t you worry your pretty little heads! But I am being serious when I say I hate Stewart and Pattinson more than ever!

Well as you might know The Runaways biopic was (limitedly) released with little TV advertising. In fact the only time I saw the trailer was on YouTube (and the “clever” movie poster on the side wall of a bar called Timbo’s where 40-year-old pot-bellied Bears fans hang out). I won’t even go near that no-account, blank expression Stewart bitch. It’s an insult to punk fans that she could be given the role of Joan Jett. Now I can accept that Dakota Fanning is a pretty good actress who has that valley girl cuteness and is blonde, what I can’t accept is her portraying Cherie Currie. Look at Cherie, then look at fucking Fanning. Do ya see a tough girl anywhere in there? See a druggie anywhere in there? Or do ya see a typical Disney brat?

Yeah I thought so.

But what I didn’t expect was that these assholes at Apparition were SO GODDAMN CHEAP ($10 mil budget) that they were convinced that Bella-Smeyer and Conjunctivitis Jane could sing- the shitpile grossed $2,517,227 I think that says it all.

Now before you Twifucktards start screaming I DLed the fucking soundtrack and have every Runaways album on my iPod. I didn’t even have to think when I compared their failures to the originals. Dumbfucks and people who are ignorant about punk and metal can erroneously believe that you don’t have to really know how to sing because all the audience is there for are the  electric guitars, drums, beer, drugs, and slam dancing. That’s also like believing someone who can’t skate could play the goalie position. And like saying scifi and fantasy writers don’t have to do any research when they write their stories.

The only reason why they got those two asshats was because of Twifuck and it’s obvious that Stewart won’t be acting much after Breaking Brains is released. So I hope she saves her money and goes to school so we can forget about her.

Oh yeah, Nirvana’s biopic was greenlit not too long ago. Guess who’s slated to play our Kurt? That’s right! A certain sparkly Mormonpire faggot! Tell me Twifucktards, have you ever heard of The Pixies or Hole? Ever hear Smells Like Teen Spirit or Come As You Are? I thought not. I mean you probably know Courtney Love from her TMZ and National Enquirer antics, but she also happens to be a damn good singer and guitarist. And her late husband Kurt Cobain defined grunge- an offshoot of punk and metal. Something that your My Chemical Addiction, Evercrapsince, and Parawhore just can’t hold a candle to. Sure Gerry Way and his little bro have depression, but Nirvana, those people had some REAL problems.

Piece of advice to the directors of the Nirvana pic, if you insist on hiring the unwashed British Joseph Smith, have him work on his lipsynching. I cringe every time that reeking freak opens his mouth to speak, I think I might start cutting if I hear his attempts at singing.  

Let the Right One In

Movie review time kiddies! Get out the popcorn, turn down the lights, and if someone knocks, be sure to tell them to come in because you never know how much of a special snowflake they might be.

Let the Right One In is 2008 Swedish romantic horror film directed by Tomas Alfredson, adapted from the novel of the same name by John Ajvide Lindqvist. It’s the mid-’70s in the suburb of Blackeberg outside of Stockholm, and 12-year-old Oskar is playacting Jeffrey Dahmer-style. No I don’t mean man-raping and zombie-making, but brandishing a hunting knife in his room growling threats to the visualized school bullies making his life a living hell. Meanwhile a middle-aged man has just moved into the apartment next door, redecorating with cardboard and thick curtains over the windows…

After being whipped by the school prick Conny (must be pissed over his parents’ choice of faggoty name) Oskar is spending his evening outside his apartment block’s courtyard stabbing a tree to death when he’s disrupted by a strange girl with bad fashion taste and hygiene issues.

“Do you live here?” Oskar asks.

“Yeah… right here in this jungle gym.” She jumps down onto the thick carpet of snow effortlessly. Her name is Eli, a 200-year-old (forever 12) vampire girl. But just to let you know, she’s never going to be Oskar’s friend. Not. Now if I wanted to compare I’d say Eli was Anne Rice’s Claudia gone wrong, but that’s what makes her even cooler. The idea of making use of an oft-forgotten bit of vampire lore (having to invite him/her in before snacking) as a metaphor for Eli’s and Oskar’s lives and relationship was delightfully original.

The vampire genre has been inundated with sparkles, teen wangst, and homicidal fangirls, LTROI has been a frigid breath of fresh air. But my fellow purists (and sane people) hold that sigh of relief because LTROI is up for an American adaptation. As if H’wood hasn’t wrecked The Eye, Dark Water, and Ring series enough. Now I’m ordering the book as I write this, but I’ve already checked out the spoilers and while the novelist did the script adaption he left out the pedophilic relationship between Eli and her companion Håkan (an unavoidable situation for Oskar should Eli not turn him), minor events, and characters were omitted.

LTROI gets 4 out of 5 demon signs up. This isn’t my first European foreign film, I expected nudity and bodily functions to be included. So just to warn the faint of heart (or crazed conservatives) there is a 5 second glimpse of an 11-year-old’s pussy. But I hardly think that a little girl dropping from trees and living like a feral house cat would be stimulating.

P.S. I’d like to give a shout to Tprinces because if it wasn’t for her, I’d taking up self-mutilation when the torrent sites get slammed by New Moan fucktards.