RIP iPod Classic… after 3 months

I knew Steve Jobs was a dickwad (especially after telling that journalism student to fuck off), but holy jeebus this is intolerable!

I’ve been a loyal iPod user since the 2nd gen Nano came out (my first MP3 player was the San Disk 250 MB- a red one), and made the upgrades to the iPod 120 GB and then, in September, the 160 GB “Classic” (every little cheap shit something is dubbed classic these days- the new business buzzword after “passion”). It serves me right for being blinded by Pixar’s epicness and breaking on the iPad to find out that it has a moving parts hard drive and not a flash drive like the 120. I mean I only dropped the 120 a billion times and it still played music and displayed my pics like no tomorrow (but the video was fucked to hell I’ll admit).

You should really read the well-rounded reviews before making a major electronics purchase.

Last Friday was your typical winter’s New York City day, icy as fuck with wind that ripped your ears clear off. And as I rode the bus home I had on my favorite You Tube junk playing on the Classic to block out the junior high hellcats squealing over Justin Gayber- or whatever- but no problems with the Classic. Why would I have any problems with a too-big-to-fail company’s product? Well that night as I tucked myself under my 8 blankets to stave off the bitter cold I was ready to laugh myself to sleep to AVP when, lo and behold, the screen stayed black.

I checked the hold button. Not in the orange position. I hooked it up to my Wii. Still dead. The next morning I tried getting it up on the PC. No such luck. Then I went to Amazon ready to email customer service, when I decided to see what the less than satisfied Apple customers had to say. And golly gee, their problems seemed to be a lot like mine. Dead within a couple of months because gol ole Steve can’t make a flash drive to withstand the “beating” of average use to accommodate 160 gigs (minus overhead)- and I have Speck armor on my shit 24/7! But according to my fellow saps, you’ll get the royal treatment of disdain from the Twifuckers who work the counters at the Apple store before handing over your free replacement.

Life is good.

Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Ramadan, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Shut The Fuck Up and see you all in 2011!

The Apple iPad, or How Steve Jobs Pays for His Crack

Introducing the new Apple iPad! Only $499 dollars (an extra $130 if you want the 128 GB upgrade coming in September)!

I’ve got a question, if you can’t type directly on the iPad (it’s got a keyboard port though), no USB, you have to pay a monthly fee for your WiFi service, the screen will blind you considering you have to have the highest background light setting if you want to read an e-book, and it’s not equipped with Flash, how in the holy mother of ass is it convenient?!

Oh yeah, it’s shiny.

You know this isn’t the first Tablet PC. Remember the Windows XP Tablet? I sure do. In fact I was laughing my ass off at the single blurb it got on the evening news, thinking that while it was so im-fucking-practical it has some nostalgic value, with the system’s light pen harkening back to the epic days of Tron.

A part of me knows I shouldn’t really talk, while you couldn’t pay me to drag that thing around in it’s handy-dandy $20 buck carrying case to listen to Motörhead, I did buy the DSi (the DS XL is nothing but Nintendo masturbation) and got fucked in the ass when I heard that the 3DS will be released in the coming year. I bought it for the camera and the larger screen, which I think are pretty practical, but if the 3DS is all that (and comes in red) I will be adding it to my handheld collection. But I honestly think that in this floundering economy, weak job market, and questionable credit card usage still in full-swing, Jobs just took advantage of his Apple brothel to sell them what’s tantamount to a super-sized iPhone (or iTouch- I honestly don’t know the difference and don’t give a fuck).

Oh yeah, and don’t give me any shit about hating the Kindle, Nook (isn’t that a binky brand name?), or whatever the fuck e-reader you use! They are also impractical (you’ll just delete the book after blowing $10 bucks on it because you’ll need the space), put people out of jobs in the printing industry (or outsource said jobs to human rights hell China), strain your eyes, give yourself headaches (have you ever stared at a PC screen for hours just to read a 100-odd page .pdf file- I have), and run the high risk of DLing a virus on firmware that isn’t the best.

Think about it people, all that glows behind high gloss plastic isn’t gold.

UPDATE!

A big shout out to Tom Dickson for showing the world the only practical use for the iPad!