Happy Draw Mohammed Day!

It’s that time of year again! You guessed it, Happy Draw Mohammed Day! It’s a day to read bronze age books and thank the universe that we have freedom of speech and we will die fighting for it. Just like You religious nutcases will kill for your faith- regardless of what fucking spot of Jerusalem you get dibs on. So take a look at my contribution:scan Michelangelo it isn’t, but I think it’s a rather cute family portrait of Mo and his dozen wives. And yeah I know, some did die before he married others, but honestly, if you were a man of Mo’s power and influence would you honestly care if a lowly woman was alive and protesting? I think not. Next time I might draw one of Joe Smith and Mo going toe-to-toe. So come and kill me wackjobs. Allahu akbar!

And now, something to offend everyone:

I hate having a best friend

Happy fucking new year (two weeks before St. Paddy’s Day).

I really hate having a best friend. I know I’m not the only one, but I just can’t keep up with the emotional train wreck-baggage my BFF carries with her like a lucky rabbit’s foot. We are at an age where we are no longer talking to one another, but AT one another. Sounds self-absorbed, but it’s true. And you’re all going through that right now. K. can dither up a shitstorm about the most nonsensical topic (example: why she still beats herself up over the $600 stilettos she wore at HS prom she was forced to give away because of pain) with a blind passion for two hours, then gets that Dunkin’ Donuts glazed look when I ask about her latest accounting temp job.

But it’s a job, you groan. Who wants to talk about their job while hanging out with your bestie? I feel it’s my duty to emotionally and mentally stimulate her with positive reinforcement since she’s gotten clean. For over a year K. went on an alcohol and MJ-soaked binge that could be construed as a female working class Charlie Sheen rocket ride. I cut off contact with her as I was cleaning my own act up, and couldn’t infect myself with the depression she was prone to spreading (as well as the bedbugs that her Mom’s boyf brought). She admitted how much she missed me, but was genuinely happy to see me on an emotional uptick.

Well I’ve had a bit to be happy about: we paid off our debts! FUCKING A, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! The only downside is that we also paid off a chunk of the asshole’s debt, $19k worth to be precise. It seems that one of the credit cards he didn’t feel like paying off back in ’93 (round about $3k on the original bill) had both Mom’s AND his names on it. The bank was willing to settle for around $8k, but the interest that accrued was more than $10k. My debt went up to $10k because of interest, and, to make shit even shittier UPS LOST the check THREE TIMES that I sent to Ellenville, NY. Luckily, the legal secretary was very nice and told me that UPS has always been problematic when they’ve dealt with them. So we sent off another check via USPS express that they got the next day. We just got the original check back and deposited it on Thursday.

Out of the $50k we got from my great aunt’s estate, we have a little over $10k left. It’s just enough to pay the taxes (making a nice federal deposit this year), and Mom and me will split the rest to re-open our bank accounts.

So K. has worked her accounting magic and Mom will be getting her FULL refund within this week. But life for K. has taken on its old topsy-turvyness. She’s back with her lazy boyf A., and is happily putting her life on hold in order to take him by the hand to get his life started. Very typical of a devoted woman. When she was high as a kite, and just able to slur to me over the phone over how it was much easier to live on the streets of Vegas than live with a crackwhore mom. She was making a whole lot more sense then. She admitted that A. was only in the market for a mommy-fucktoy, and wasn’t serious about getting his degree, or a real job, or marriage. Yadda, yadda. His mom wants K. to convert to Islam and wear a rag, and she wasn’t having that.

When she was getting cleaned up, K. put an ultimatum on A. and told his ass she was leaving him if he refused to make a serious commitment, and she was going to get her CPA and then go back to school to get her MBA. Well, now that he’s gone back to being a passive-aggressive cunt face (on account that his usual cunt wouldn’t be there), K. has switched back to stupid mode. She’s getting her CPA, but hates the office culture. She wants to do freelance accounting, and stay at home with her roommate’s baby to practice when she has her shitlings (I should add that A. has remarked on several occasions he was willing to be a SAHD for the first few years. All he needed was plenty of sex and video games, but we all know his two sisters and psycho mom would be doing all the grunt work). She’s spending the majority of her time chasing after A. with baby wipes and going with him to get enrolled in radiology school that only does student admittance ONCE A GODDAMN YEAR!

She’s once again making excuses for future MIL, and is willing to capitulate for two weddings. The first, an Islamic wedding for his family, and the second for her family and all their friends. I won’t be attending either since I can’t afford gifts nor a dress at this time. Also, I reject any idiotic religion that requires sex segregation- even during fucking weddings! I will not see my vibrant best friend wearing bedsheets from head to toe. And I will not hear of any idiocy regarding religious indoctrination to their sprogs. I have to draw a line somewhere, and even though you might call me an unrelenting, unfeeling bitch… so be it.

People-pleasing nearly drove me to suicide when I was younger. When it comes down to having a best friend, or losing self-awareness, I choose self-awareness.

I dare you to tell me otherwise.

Anti-abortionists on the rag…

Just saw the anti-abortion ad from the Super Bowl (congrats Saints). Not the first one I’ve seen, I mean these fundie, woman-hating nutbags will do anything. Here’s what insulted me, they get a pretty, middle-class white woman to proudly announce she got knocked up as a teen. Because teens have sex. That’s just reality. Human behavior trumps the bible, Torah, and Koran every day of the week- and twice on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Don’t believe me, look at third world countries.

And that’s what fucks me up about this. A white middle-class teen gets knocked up. And her parents with money are willing to put their anger aside and help her raise her son so she can complete her high school education and watch the kid while she gets a job to support it all the while living in a nice middle-class suburb. Tell me Jesus freak, right-wing assholes who aren’t willing to empty their pockets to every charity, education fund, and food pantry, you think that happens to the black and brown people living in ghettos where that’s the norm? Or how about the poor whites living in Appalachia, the Rust Belt, and depressed cities and near ghost towns where industry has left them for cheap labor in corrupt China and Mexico?

Support Planned Parenthood. Put away all abortion doctor murderers. Keep prayer (and the 10 Commandments) out of our public schools and court houses. Regulate the banks. Enforce estate tax. Tax the fuck out of anybody making more than $250k a year. Mega churches and cults make further moves on encroaching on people’s private lives any further and you will see me go for the guns you so worship. Keep your holy books, misogyny laws, and greedy right-wing hands OFF MY BODY! Or you will be looking down the barrel of a shotgun, because I will see my gynecologist in peace (and then I’ll firebomb your house of worship). And, no, it’s none of your business why I’m there.

Yet another reason to stay childfree.